Saturday, October 17, 2009

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sounds of Psychiatry

Most doctors if not all, will always tell medical students that their field is the field to pursue--psychiatrists are no exceptions. No harm in that, really.

"Psychiatry is interesting..."

-- was what we were told. Everyday. Usually, I'm skeptical about these things, but I'd have to agree that psychiatry is interesting--at least for me. Perhaps it is because of the knowledge and ability to understand the complexity of the human mind. Plus, you get to classify your friends under several psychiatric disorders ^ ^...(or yourself even)

And recently, I was going through my list of songs and I noticed that many songs were written about or inspired by some sort of psychiatric problems. I mean, no offense but people don't really write songs about myocardial infarction or appendicitis or placenta praevia, do they? But psychiatric disorders are commonly used as the main theme in many songs. An example is a song called "Lithium" by Evanescence. My sister and I used to wonder about it because we couldn't understand what the song was about. How is Lithium a metaphor for anything? Only thing I knew about Lithium was that it's a highly reactive chemical compound--so I don't really see the connection between chemistry and music. After we found out that it was actually a mood stabilizer, it all makes sense. I still don't get the lyrics, but at least I know she's not singing about some chemical compound just because it has a nice ring to it, or that Lithium would make a better title than Oxygen.

There's also another song by Kinks. It's an old song I think. As I listen to the lyrics, I started to pick up the symptoms of a schizophrenic patient and the subtype. Isn't it interesting that we are able to learn psychiatry or medicine even, in an unconventional way?

I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door,
They’re demonstrating outside I think they’re gonna start the third world war,
I’ve been to my local head shrinker,
To help classify my disease,
He said it’s one of many cases of acute schizophrenia he sees.

Well the milkman’s a spy, and the grocer keeps on following me,
And the woman next door’s an undercover for the k.g.b.,
And the man from the social security
Keeps on invading my privacy,
Oh there ain’t no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

I’ve got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I’ve got it, you’ve got it, we can’t lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues.

I’m lost on the river, the river of no return,
I can’t make decisions, I don’t know which way I’m gonna turn,
Even my old dad, lost some of the best friends he ever had,
Apparently, his was a case of acute schizophrenia too.

I got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I’ve got it, you’ve got it, we can’t lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues,

They’re watching my house and they’re tapping my telephone,
I can’t trust nobody, but I’m much too scared to be on my own
And the income tax collector’s got his beady eye on me,
Oh there ain’t no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

No there ain’t no cure for
Schizophrenia disease.

Sunday, August 9, 2009



I feel like writing but little comes to mind.

It's one of those sleepless nights--I'm restless and agitated for no reason. My pulse is bounding and I can hear my heart beating. It feels almost like fear, but of an unknown origin...which made it worse. Usually and most of the time, I'd call home just to make sure everything's fine. So far, nothing bad ever happened. And I would convinced myself that I'm being paranoid. Then again, it is times like this I'd be reminded of the end. Mine and people I love and care about. What if--this is it? I'm sure I'll have many regrets. So many mistakes and words left unsaid.

There's a saying from an author Stephen Levine, he says and I quote, "If you had an hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say...and why are you waiting?" but of course, none of us knows how long we'll live. Nonetheless, death IS certain and if we live life the way we should, regrets are no longer an issue. So, if I had an hour to live, I'd choose to write to my parents.

Mama and Abah,

Thank you for allowing me to be part of your life. Nothing I do or did will ever be enough to repay all that you've given me. You were there when no one else is, even though I was never always there for you. Thank you for accepting me, with flaws and all. Your unlimited kindness, patience and forgiving nature--qualities I've always admired about. You taught me to do what's right and even when I'm lost, you were always there to guide me back. Never judgmental and just. My greatest blessing in life from Allah would be you both. I only wish that throughout my life, there are moments that you feel glad and happy to have me as your daughter.


You were my counselor and my inspiration in life. I love you so very much and forgive me for all the countless mistakes I've done.


You are and will always be the number one man in my life.

If you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would you call?
What would you say?

Friday, July 17, 2009


How I hope this day will never come...

*sigh* my RM 70....

Wednesday, July 8, 2009



Watched Transformers last night with my sisters. *phew* so hard to get the tickets. Anyway, fantastic movie--as expected. We even had a dramatic moment in the cinema, for those who watched this movie, if you remember there was a scene where the Decepticons pulled the cables and shut down the electricity. At that very moment, the screen suddenly went dark and we were all like "woah". I personally thought that it was creative you know, to involve the audience in the story. But after about 1 minute, we heard an announcement: "We deeply regretted to announce that there have been some technical problems. Please remain seated while we sort it out".

---huh? It was just a simple blackout.

Anyway, it's definitely better than the first one though the breaking news of Megan Fox made us giggle throughout the movie. That's right guys, sorry to ruin all your perfect fantasies, but Megan Fox is-in-fact-a man. The guys at my dad's office are still in denial and they're still saying I made it all up--that it's all some kind of conspiracy..haha..Perhaps for them it's unbelievable or even impossible that a man can be that hot.

What's unbelievable for me is that they still thinks that she/he/this person is hot...haha...Sooner or later, I know they'll come around.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Day 3: Once Upon A Time In Beijing

Wood carvings of Quran 30 juz and its translation by a 12 year-old boy. Nice, huh?

The oldest mosque in Beijing

'Rocky mountain' building

Most exciting show I ever watched!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Love of My Life

Happy fathers day, abah.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Day 2: The 8th Wonder

Terra-Cotta Warriors

A gift for China during the Olympics

Climbing to the emperor's tomb

Hua Qing hot spring

Trip to China: Day 1

Arrived at Beijing airport

Fruit tea, anyone?

Xi An City Wall

Father and daughter moments

Tang Dynasty Main Palace

To be continued...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


As I was sitting on my bed, my brother popped a question. "Exactly, what are blemishes?"
Silly, right? I thought so too.

What in the world made him asked me that question -- and I noticed he was staring at my face but I like to think the reason was because I took medicine, so perhaps he thought I'd surely know the answer. Unfortunately, I don't.

So, for those with naive brothers/sisters as analytical and inquisitive as mine who might asked you how do you -- I mean, a person get blemishes, here's an answer.

How Do Blemishes Form?

Blemishes are formed when oil, bacteria and dead skin cells become trapped in the pores on the skin. Normally, dead skin cells are brought to the surface of the skin by secretions from the sebaceous glands and shed on a regular basis. However, in skin prone to breakouts, excessive oil production causes these dead cells to bunch together and eventually forming a plug at the pore opening--and this plug is what we commonly referred to as the whitehead.

When a plug forms below the skin surface, bacteria naturally presents within the hair follicle breaks down the accumulated materials and turns it into nasty, irritating fatty acids. The enlarged pore and pressure build within the follicle causes the fatty acids to leak through to the dermis below. This infection causes the blood vessels to dilate and also triggers the white cells which in the end causes redness and inflammation. This entire process results in the appearance of blemishes (red and tender), pustules (white-capped pimples) and, in more severe cases, large cysts and boils.

So, a nice tip for all blemished skin out there, drink 8 glasses of plain water a day, everyday.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

29 Dark Chocolates--bitter and sweet


Fatwa Saiyidina Umar r.a :
“Orang yang bijaksana,tidaklah dia mahu mencari sahabat melainkan orang-orang yang panjang fikirannya, kuat agamanya, luas ilmunya, tinggi akhalaknya, lanjut akalnya, dan di waktu mudanya bergaul dengan orang-orang yang soleh. Barangsiapa yang melalaikan keteguhan percintaan dari sahabatnya, maka tidaklah dia akan merasai buah persaudaraan orang itu terhadapnya. Barangsiapa yang memutuskan persaudaraan sebab takut dikhianati, maka hiduplah dia dengan tidak bersaudara. Tidaklah ada kesenangan hati yang menyamai kesenangan bersahabat, dan tidaklah ada kedukaan yang melebihi kedukaan apabila putusnya persahabatan itu.”

Terharu dan sayu bila baca blog kawan2. It's curious how our behaviour greatly affects our dear friends, isn't it? Who wouldn't miss those happy times? I even confide my mom about it. Mothers are always generous and forgiving in nature, that is why their opinion helps you to see things differently.

Recently, I read a book entitled 'The Rules of Life' by Richard Templar. The author said we ought to keep to ourselves of what we discover from his book, but I believe we should share good things with others. And one of the things he wrote was on how being a real friend is a tremendous responsibility. He listed down all the qualities required; "loyal, sincere, dependable, open, responsive, forgiving at times and prepared to offer help, support and sympathy" and lots more. He also said we may have to be truthful at times and be prepared to risk the friendship by being so.

Bukan kah dua orang yang bersahabat dan berpisah demi mendapat keredhaan Allah salah satu golongan yang mendapat naungan-Nya di akhirat kelak? So what if he/she refuses to listen now? You always have Him by your side. Seek His guidance and pray that our friends will see to reason. Amin.

Yet equally there are times where you need to hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself. We all need to understand that they are our friends, not our clones or slaves to do our bidding--they do things differently and have their own way of thinking.

And this is all what we need to do. But even if our friends fail to do any of this, we will not and should not abandon them. We remain being their friend, being forgiving and most importantly, BEING THERE. You are there in time of joy as well as in trouble or stress.

It's easy to be angry, make rude gestures and swear. It isn't so easy to be forgiving. However, forgiveness or tolerance should not be mistaken with meekness. Being forgiving doesn't mean we can be pushed around. We can stand our ground but at the same time try to forgive our friends for all the stupid mistakes they make. Someone once told me to just forget about them, who cares? Well--apparently I do. No matter how much I hate the things they said or how they act, they are my friends--good or bad. I couldn't ignore them even if I try. Plus, I'm tired of being angry all the time, aren't you? I realize that being angry at those you care about--family and friends is exhausting and consumes you emotionally, and I am exhausted.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda maksudnya:
"Perumpamaan orang beriman yang berkasih sayang, dan saling rahmat merahmati dan di dalam kemesraan sesama mereka adalah seperti satu tubuh, apabila satu anggota mengadu sakit, maka seluruh tubuh akan turut merasainya dan membantunya dengan berjaga malam dan demam." (Riwayat Muslim)

We all share and hold the same value i.e. Islam, and Islam transcends gender, age, race, state and family background. Kalau kita faham mesej yang dibawa oleh Rasul junjungan kita, kita akan sentiasa mempunyai hati yang berkobar-kobar untuk mencintai sahabat2. I simply refuse to believe that it's impossible to be like we used to just because we've known each other's bad side or because we've come to realize that we are different. I have faith in my friends and I pray that someday we will see pass our differences.

Ya Allah, kurniakanlah perasaan cinta kepada-Mu, dan cinta kepada orang yang mengasihi-Mu, dan apa sahaja yang membawa daku menghampiri cinta-Mu. Jadikanlah cinta-Mu itu lebih aku hargai daripada air sejuk bagi orang yang kehausan. Amin.


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Restless heart


Say: O My servants who have wronged against their souls, do not despair of Allah's mercy. For Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah az-Zumar 39:53)

This subuh I heard a tazkirah coming from the mosque near my house. "Tok imam pasang kaset kot," I thought since the voice sounds so familiar.

I listened.

It was about a hadith that tells a story about a man. Allah gave this man a glimpse of jannah and this man begged really hard for it. Allah refused him but he never stop begging for it. In the end, his wish was granted.

A sudden chill was running down my spine. *sigh* how far and distant I felt from His grace.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever fasts Ramadhan out of faith and the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven."

May all our sins are forgiven. Wallahua'lam.

p/s: Food for the soul. (

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Echo of Life


Recently, I read an interesting short story on the net by an anonymous. Though the title has no impact whatsoeva, the story did. It was about a father, his son and a lesson they learned through their journey on a mountain. So, the story goes like this...

Mountain Story

"A father and his son were walking on the mountains.
Suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: "AAAhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"
Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!"
He receives the answer: "Coward!"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
Again the man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

Often people don't realize or choose to be ignorant of the consequences of their actions. Do we ask, is this what we really want for ourselves? for our future children? More often, we give excuses like, "Alaa..time ni lah nak enjoy. Nanti aku berubah lah" or "Anak aku nanti aku ajar la bende yang betul"-- that is just being double standard. And more often we forget that we are only human; kita hanya merancang dan Dia adalah penentunya. Yakin kah kita yang kita tak akan terus leka dengan dunia sehingga lupa akan hak-Nya, hak ibu bapa kita, hak kawan2, hak saudara seIslam?

The sad thing is that, we have the knowledge. We already knew that Allah gave us choices in life and he teach us to choose the good ones. We always knew that adultery, backbiting and slander are sins. We knew all about sifat mahmudah & mazmumah. We knew ALL that---and yet we choose to ignore it or even better, we come out with reasons to justify our actions. And even after all the horrible things we have done, He gave us many chances, opportunities to repent, to learn from our mistakes and come back to Him, but did we take His offer?

The world is reaching its end. The question here is, are we prepared for it?


Friday, April 10, 2009

Samsung Omnia


This isn't actually what I had in mind for my first post in April v(^o^)v
---Anyone here interested in buying a new phone? or do you know anyone who is?
  1. its a PDA, Samsung Omnia
  2. bought a week ago
  3. black colour--they only sell the silver ones in Msia
  4. with leather casing
  5. price--around RM 1800

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Facing your fear


Finally, community health posting in Tampin has come to an end. Hopefully, we'll be able to go back by tomorrow. Tapi bila fikir balik, rase cam takut lak nak tinggalkan Tampin ni.

...Why is that? Probably because we had so much fun here in Tampin and this posting felt almost like a loooooooooooong holiday for us all. Like a fantasy world we build to get away from what's waiting for us in Ampang--all work with no play

Forensic posting + GP posting + CH posting = H.O.L.I.D.A.Y *sigh* What happy times they are...


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Janjiku pada mama

Year 1994:2.30 pm

"Nanti, kalau ude ngan aishah dah besar mesti hantar mama kat rumah orang tua, kan?"

Aku terkejut. Statement mama just came out of the blue...but I know it got something to do with the drama we were watching together that evening..

I said, "Takdelah. Knape mama cakap camtu?" "Haah. Takkan kitorg hantar mama ngan abah kat rumah org tua," adikku petah berkata walaupun umurnya baru 5 tahun.

She hugged us real tight and I swear I could remember her smiling.


1995: it was late

I was excited about---something (forgive the bad memory) and in all my frivolity and innocence, I asked my beloved mother, "Apa impian mama?"

"Mama ingat satu hari nanti, mama nak travel satu dunia. I want to see the world."

Amazed by her resolution, I replied, "Kalau ude dah besar nanti..dah byk duit, ude bawak mama melancong satu dunia. Kite gi same-same."

Mama tersenyum.


Will I be who I was then?

Narrated by Abu Hurairah; a man came to Prophet SAW and said:

"Oh Messenger of Allah, who among the people is most deserving of my good company?" He said, "Your mother." He asked, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." He asked, "Then who?" He said, "Your mother." He asked, "Then who?" He said, "Then your father."

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Useless ego


WARNING! Ini adalah luahan kebencian aku terhadap seseorg.

Kenape wujudnye sesetengah org yg fikir that the whole world revolves around them? What makes them above others? Is it because he's a man? or because he thinks he's a know-it-all? Mane pergi kebebasan individu yg konon2 nye diperjuangkan?..bile kene kat batang idung sendiri,mula lah merengek..mangsa keadaan lah,dizalimi lah...


Ya Allah, forgive me for hating one of my muslim brothers for the next 5 minutes..

But i just can't understand what are they thinking..who are they to impose their personal ideas and perception to others? JUST LEAVE US BE..and the funny thing is--they seem to think that people change things just because they said so..perasan nye..

How's that? Take it like a man and say it to my face if u dare.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


5 weeks have passed in Tampin---good thing my sanity is still here,eh? Here's some tips on how to keep your sanity while staying in Rest House Tampin..

  1. Bring ear-muff/ear-plug to block out unpleasant singing from upstairs
  2. Get a driving license--fast and beg your parents to buy you a car
  3. OR keep your friends who have their own car close
  4. Visit Melaka and go eat ikan bakar in Umbai
  5. Take a dip in Tampin's very own 'onsen' in Gadek
  6. Bring a broadband with you--your dad's or your own

Words of wisdom for today,

It takes great effort to build something, but it only takes an instant to destroy it.

Criticize in life


I admit it's easier to criticize others rather than to try and understand them..and even if we try to, it's frustrating (and waste of time) if the other person doesn't reciprocate (T T)..

Lately, i realised that the more we understand our friends,the harder it is for us to be frank about things..kalau kat realiti tv show,the judges don't really know the contestants and that's why diorang boleh bagi really harsh comments..for friends,well--you can't really do that..nanti mesti ade yang terase hati (at least bdk pompuan kot)...So? what can we do kalau kawan kite buat salah? do we just stood back and watch? hoping that one day she'll come to her senses? tp org slalu kate, kalau sayang kawan kite tegur,jgn biar die terus hanyut..*sigh* easier said than done...

And the longer we knew each other,the less respect we have for one another..i find this especially true..why? after 5 years, do we suddenly take things for granted? a simple 'thank you' or 'please' is almost non-existent when you're friends..they are only used by those who are acquaintances..kite amek kesempatan atas kebaikan kawan kite..mentang2 la die penyabar,tak cepat melenting,we look down on them--as if we are better than them..mase tgh buat survey kat Tampin ni, i thought to myself; "kalau dgn org luar i can be this nice,why not to my family and friends?"

It is much more valuable to look for the strengths in others-you gain nothing by criticizing people's imperfections.